He Killed A Police Officer

I spent yesterday in the court room with my fellow police wives and lots of men and women in blue.  We attended the sentencing hearing for a thug who shot one of our officers 7 times.  I posted in 2010 about the shooting here on this blog.  It was a hard thing to swallow then but it was even harder to sit in the court room yesterday and listen to both the officer give his victim impact statement and listen to the stupid boob tell the court "I ain't even did nothin'."

The defendant in this case is 26 years old now.  He claimed he was high on marijuana and ecstasy the day he decided to pull a .40 from the backseat on a traffic stop and unload all 15 rounds, 7 of which hit the officer.  He shot the officer and when the officer dove over the hood of his car and returned fire, the defendant continued to unload, even firing after the officer was incapacitated.  His other claim: "it was like a dream... I thought I was playing a video game."  Made me sick to listen to it.

However, after swallowing the anger and rage toward this goon, the officer got up and gave his statement.  I want to share since it is likely the most moving thing I have ever heard with my own two ears.  This is what the officer said:

"Before May 27, 2010, I did not know this man.  I had never met him and I had never dealt with him in my career before nor did I know him personally.  I don't know his past or what lead him to that day.  I'll never know why he chose to do what he did to me.  But now I'd like to tell you about me.  My father is a retired officer from my same department.  I remember him driving me to my little league game when I was seven years old.  He turned around and looked at me in the backseat and asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I told him, "a police officer."  Dad said, "No way.  Anything but a police officer son."  I said, "Sorry dad but that's what I'm going to be.

As I grew, up I really looked up to my older brother who was a Marine.  I decided that being a Marine would make me a better policeman, so at 17 I enlisted.  I went to Iraq and fought in Fallujah.  I considered myself lucky that during my first six month tour I was uninjured.  I came home for a bit and then went back to Iraq.  During that tour I was hit by a grenade.  Again, I considered myself lucky for making it through.  I suffered far less than a lot of guys there.

When I came home from the Marines for good, I decided to live my dream and become a police officer.  I loved it.  I enjoyed every day.  I can't describe the thrill of loading up my car and hitting the streets... seeing my buddies.. and it wasn't all about jumping out and chasing bad guys.  I learned the most rewarding thing was the difference a small act of kindness could make in someone's life.

On May 27, 2010, I was brutally ambushed.  Over the past two and a half years I have endured more physical pain and suffering than I ever thought one person could handle.  My family has suffered with me through ten surgeries, with another to take place next week.  I've had flesh torn from my skin to save other areas of my body: something I never even experienced in Iraq.  I've endured the emotional torment of not being able to do normal physical activities and know I will never be the same.

Through all of this, no pain has been deeper, no suffering has been greater than the loss of my career.  I will never again get to be a police officer, as I can no longer meet the physical requirements due to my injuries and state of disability.  Just because I survived that day, just because I stand here before you today, I lost my life.  That day - HE (pointing to the defendant) killed a police officer.  He took my life from me and if I had my wish he'd have his taken from him."

Following that statement, the judge sentenced the turd to life, plus 30 years, plus 30 years, plus 4.

Justice was served.  So glad he and his wife can move forward now.

And here we are...

The past month has been hectic, if not insane.  Lots of good times with the hubs in the land of the living, the kids with a million things running us in different directions and general, overall happiness.  (I know, you couldn't tell from my previous post last month, right?!)

Things are changing.  Mostly for the better.  It is so nice to have a few months under our belts without the stress of all the job and legal b.s.  I suppose the stress that comes with being a police wife is always there, but everyday things pale in comparison to what we were going through previously!

For those who don't know... we are officially expecting baby number 4!  The weirdos in the doctor's office hounded me with all the questions like, "Oh you must be trying for a girl finally!" and "I'll bet after all of those boys you really want a girl!" and of course the typical, "I'm guessing after this one you are DONE?" and "Don't you know what causes that?".

Seriously, I had no idea four kids is considered a gigantic family these days!  WTH?  I didn't put in the time or effort to really answer any of them.  I just smiled and thought, "Oh if I could punch you in the throat...".

I mentioned in passing a while back that we moved.  We have been taking care of things with our old house to get it ready for sale.  It is actually quite comical that we moved when we did, seeing that I am pregnant again!  The Lord works in mysterious ways.  Anyhow, the old house has had a new drain system and sump pump installed and is getting a new roof on Tuesday.  Then we are having new windows put in and having the fence updated.  For those of you who have magical powers and special abilities, please pray or do something to help us get it sold.  The sale money is going to help buy me a (can hardly get it out of my mouth).... VAN. 

I asked the hubs what would be wrong with us taking two cars everywhere after the baby arrives, but he didn't think this idea was very cute.  I have no choice.  Unless I am completely overlooking some kind of vehicle that seats 7-ish?  (Ok not gonna lie, I just had to stop and count how many kids I have, er, well-will have.. yikes).  I suppose a Suburban or something could do, but I really don't want to spend that kind of money!!

Anyhow, thank sweet baby Jesus I still have over 500 size 1 diapers that Quinn never used, that I kept all of my maternity clothes, and that I still have ALL of the baby clothes and gear.  It's quite possibly the first time things are going right from the start!

Just wanted to post this update since it's been over a month since I've written anything.

Run For It

I'm having one of those days where I could just chuck my phone out the window and make a run for the border.  I am so crabby and pissed off today it isn't anywhere close to funny.

Yes, it's another day in blissdom.  Today marks the start of 12 hour dayshifts for a month.  That's one good thing, I suppose, in a whole mess of b.s.

I'm having issues.  Major issues today, and really the past couple of days.

We are supposed to be going out of state for a big music deal for the kids in a few weeks.  We go every year.  I started reminding hubs about it months ago so he could put in for the time off (it's only one weekend).  Back at the beginning of the year he told me he put in for it in writing, but with the switch to the new systems and the 12 hour shifts, they also had to put in for it electronically.  -Um, so?

Now that the date is quickly approaching, he keeps telling me he isn't sure if he is going to get the time off or not because he hasn't heard back from his Sgt.  Now, I know I am probably being a major bitch.  I do that very well, sometimes.  BUT- what I'm really miffed about is the fact that he is so ho-hum about it... like he doesn't give a sh*t. 

Something deeeeep down is really bothering me about it.  Like he'd rather have that whole weekend to himself while I travel out of town with three small children and manage all of them during one of the biggest music events in the country.  And then... it all just honestly brings me back to days of yore.  You know, the ones when he was cheating on me?  Yeah. 

Even though that was a loooong time ago, and even though things have been better than good between us for many years now, I cannot help but get angry and insecure when he acts like this.  Or maybe I should say, when something like this pops up.

What set me off was the tone in his voice on the phone today when I asked him if he had checked with the Sgt.  In what sounded like a total bullsh*t answer, he told me the Sgt. is in court the rest of the afternoon.  To boot, he just acted irritated at the very idea of having to go with me/us out of town.  He made it a big deal that he had 8 car break-ins a couple of hours ago (which I am sure is a pain in the butt), but that doesn't give him the right to talk like an ass to me.

It probably isn't helping that I am sick as hell with what feels like pneumonia, the baby won't stop crying today and I've got kids that require me to be in two different places at the same time this evening.. and we will get home just in time for hubs to miss ALL of the responsibility.

Yes, I am feeling angry and frustrated... resentful, pissed off, etc.  If I didn't blog about it, I think I'd end up going into hiding or something. 

Gotta go pick up the baby again. 

What It Is?

I am so ready for tomorrow to get here.  My best friend and her hubby are coming in town from across the state.  My kids will finally have someone to bug besides me!  I will have another adult to talk to!  Her hubby will be riding with my hubby at work.. this should be interesting :).

Hubs has been totally rocking it at work.. locking up crazy bitches who shoot at ex-boyfriends, runs over the new girlfriend, takes out telephone poles.  He's gotten a lot of guns and drugs this week and has worked two arsons.  Coolio.  Me.. This past week has sucked the life out of me.  What did I do with my copious amounts of free time?  Ahem.. let me tell you.

I have dealt with homeowner's insurance people, insurance adjusters, roof people, waterproof people... the list goes on.  We moved across town a while back into a bigger place as a temporary thing.  We have kept our "old" house with the intention of building onto it and moving back.  It's where our kids were born - call us sentimental. 

We had some intense storms and tornadoes here last month and with that our roof was ruined.  I learned this week that what I thought would be a simple, common process is NOT simple at all.  I learned that thinking of a figure in my head to cover all necessary expenses was stupid.. because the actual amount required for just ONE of the necessary projects turned out to be SIX times more expensive than that little figure I had in my head.  Holy shizz!

We had water damage as well, which revealed an ages old mold problem we never knew we had - which came from the previous owner who flat LIED to us about it apparently.  Ugh.. I hate to even write about all of it.  This week has been a $10,000 week.  And it's only Wednesday. 

I am certain that God hates me.  No, really.  I'm not looking for cute reassurance.  That's not a question there.  That's a statement.  He hates me.  For real.

Not sure what I did, but it sure would be nice if life could just back off with the crap sandwiches for a bit.  I'm starting to understand why people go postal.  Clearly some powers that be like to see me live on the edge.  I keep looking for the candid camera, or thinking I'm on punk'd. 

Please baby Jesus.  Give me a break- before I break!!!

I have a bottle of strawberry stoli, a case of 7-up and a best friend who's on her way.  I think things are about to turn the corner.

Hoping the hubs has a good night at work because he sure was a crabass this morning!!  Whew.

End woe-is-me rant.

Do I or Don't I?

The time is upon us... erm, wait.  How do I begin this post?

Quinn is almost 10 months old.  He is adorable.  He is fun.  He is so stinking lovable.  He is amazing.  He is wonderful.  All three of our boys are wonderful.

Hubs is dying to have another (actually another *several*).  I, in so many ways, LOVE this idea.  But that's the thing.  Do I understand the reality of this?  I came to terms with the fact that going from 2 children to 3 children was the biggest adjustment of my life.  Some days I think "I've got my hands full already, so, meh, what the hell?".  Other days I think things like, "I am getting wayyy too old for this.  Physically it's harder, emotionally it's harder to do by myself and sleep is far more precious now than in my younger days!"  And quite frankly, plenty of days I actually say to myself, "Wow, what a failure (sort of jokingly) I am today.  I suck at this!"

Hubs gets so frustrated when I share the bad stuff with him and he gently reminds me that raising kids and managing a house is hard to do alone, even with only one child.  He reminds me that he is proud of me, that he appreciates me, and that above all, the kids and I are the most important things in his life.  We are his greatest source of joy.  I like this part because then he starts listing off the things I never think he notices or cares much about (like always making sure there is food in the crockpot for him at any given hour, I make sure he has clean drawers ;), etc.)

He also takes time to point out how rotten our children are sometimes and highlights the fact that I have more grace than I give myself credit for.  He tells me to stop blaming myself for the hundreds of things the kids do on any given day that cause frustration.  He tells me I am not a bad mom, that kids are a challenge and especially when they know how to wear a person down until they have no fight left to be the enforcer and daddy's not home!

All of these conversations help me love him more, but especially help me love myself more.  I genuinely love being a mother.  Not to go psychological here, but I never got to have a close relationship with my mother.  My parents divorced when I was 5 and I was raised by a single dad, until he died when I was 14.  I never got to have a morning where I woke up and my parents were in the kitchen making breakfast.. or looking into the crowd at one of my sporting events to see both of my parents cheering me on, together.  I don't even have to go into the holidays and how I don't have a single memory of a Christmas or Thanksgiving with both parents.  I'm sure I sound like a million other people in the world, but to me, I promised myself that I would create those memories for my kids.  I also vowed that my family would be my number one priority in life.  I know I will never be rich, but know that my life will be fulfilled by the years of memories with my husband and children.

I became a mother at 22.  If I had another baby-RIGHT NOW-I would have raised a child at home, under my roof, for THIRTY YEARS by the time the new baby graduated high school.  Sometimes I worry that there would never again be "alone time" for the hubs and me.  There again, we don't have that anyway with his schedule and the children we already have! 

I know that my children have caused more self-realization and self-reflection than anything else I have ever experienced.  I love them for that.  Although it doesn't seem like it on an average basis, I know they make me a better person and help me find more love than I ever knew I had in me.  When I think about the fact that the ability to have more babies is diminishing more quickly than I care to acknowledge, it makes me stop and ask myself; "Would I be ok with it if I COULDN'T have another?"

Guess it's time to talk to big man.  (And no, I don't mean the hubs!)

March Midnight Madness

And so it begins... how quickly a month of days flew by.  Midnight month is upon us, with tonight being night number 1.  I dread this day.  We took a nice little vacation over the weekend just to enjoy being a family for three days before the hubs headed to work tonight.  It was great being together.

I have tried very hard this past month to put measures in place which will hopefully help me get and/or keep myself together THIS month while I go it alone.  I have had serious issues keeping my sh*t together.  I thought back on things and realized it mostly started to unravel when Quinn was born in May. 

I used to be one of those weirdo women who had everything perfectly mapped out, with planners, schedules, highlighted calendars, tabbed binders with more information than anyone would ever need to retain.. and a steel trap memory to go with all of that.  I could tell you what you said during lunch last Tuesday, as well as what you were wearing and what you ate. 

I know that is quite overboard, and nobody needs that amount of organization or memory, but- it is very missed now that it is gone.  I have found myself struggling to get through ordinary every day stuff without forgetting, overlooking or getting completely distracted.  My stress level skyrockets when I get interrupted, which is ALL THE TIME now that I have three boys pulling me three different directions! 

We have moved into a house with tons more space, which means I was able to stake an office area for myself.  This is helping tremendously as well.

As for managing the house, I have pulled myself together and gotten much more organized as far as getting things where they need to be.  I have all of my dorky binders with color-coding and special pocket dividers put back together and organized.  I have my meals planned out for the month and most already prepared and frozen, ready to throw in the oven or the crockpot.

It feels soo much better living like this.  The challenge will be sticking with it and not getting distracted or interrupted and letting it fall apart again!!

I think the pressure to perform (as lame as that sounds) is definitely a stress factor for me.  I would find all this guilt in not doing enough every day.  If I made dinner, I'd feel guilty for not paying enough attention to the kids.  If I caught up the laundry, I felt like it took too much time away from other things I could've been doing.  I would drive myself insane thinking this way.  Then the worst part is, I'd wait until all the kids were in bed and THEN try to do EVERYTHING.  I'd be awake until 3am, baby would be up at 6, The Dude would be up at 7 and hubs would be home at 7:30... then Mr. Pants would be up and ready for breakfast.  I was a zombie and am still catching up on sleep from this madness.

I am trying not to tackle too much each day, just setting the expectation that I can get through two or three things.  Hoping this helps overall, but especially during midnights this month.  At least the days are getting longer and the sun is shining more.  Can't complain about that.

As for my friends, my best friend is coming in from across the state on the 24th!  Her hubs is a K9 officer and will be riding with hubs on their first night here.  This should be interesting :).  I have her visit to look forward to and prepare for these next few weeks!

We WILL survive the 7-7!!!

Hope y'all are hanging in. 

Jesus Lady (A different lady this time)

Tonight.. sigh... was one of those nights.  Hubs was working his 12 hour day shift.  All was well.  His family all came over to my house to watch the super bowl.  It seemed like a nice idea.  I love them. 

I quickly learned that what seemed like it was going to be great turned out to be rough for me.  Why?  Hm, let's see.  A blaring tv for four hours straight.  Everyone trying to yell over the loud tv for four hours straight. 

I was trying to cook in the kitchen, watch the baby (who you cannot take your eyes off of) out in the great room, Mr. Pants interrupted me for applesauce six times, the phone ringing, oven timers going off.  It was downward spiraling.  BUT, I foolishly thought, "Hm, hubs will be leaving work in fifteen minutes so it will be ok.".

And then she died.  I didn't know her.  Some poor 41 yr old female who was insulin dependent diabetic.  She was in bed.  Her whole family walked in from getting fried chicken and found she had passed on.

Upon hearing this tragic news, I looked to the heavens and asked, "Couldn't you have waited 15 more minutes?".

Yes, I know I am going to hell.  I don't need anyone reminding me.
He made it home an hour late.  He ate, chatted with his family until they left - and is currently passed out cold on the floor in front of the fireplace.  I should go kick him.  Hmmph.

New Toy

Ok so I had to share... new toy!  Sig Sauer P238 blue label .380!   LOVE IT.  Cannot say enough good things about it!  Perfect size, perfect everything.  I'm in Loooooove!  Taking it out tomorrow for some fun :) 

Babies eating bananas

I have found there is nothing funnier than my baby eating bananas.  Like a real banana, chopped into a million tiny little pieces.  He thoroughly enjoyed the taste and texture, but quickly discovered it was far more interesting to squeeze and smash them between his fingers.. and THEN try to put them in his mouth.  This = fun for me to watch.

In other news, had a fabulous and much needed weekend of the hubs being off work!  We went to dinner with the bro on Friday night and spent the rest of the weekend chilling.  The in-laws came over tonight for dinner and they actually liked the dinner I made.  This made me happy! 

The kids played outside with the neighbor girls, who Mr. Pants lovingly refers to as his "girlfriends".... I was all busy fixing the food for our dinner and happened to glance out and see all of the kids on the hill with a giant hole and a shovel.  Is it bad that I cracked the door and yelled, "Where is Mr. Pants?".  Once The Dude pointed to him and I was assured Mr. Pants was NOT in the giant hole in the ground, I shut the door and went back to cooking.  I really didn't think to ask (until hours later) what the hell they were doing with a shovel and a giant hole.  Turns out they were making an animal trap.  Hm. Ok.  I like that better than video games so it's cool.

So... The kids are in bed, the hubs is here.. I'm going to try to catch a short movie with him before he konks out in front of the fireplace AND before Mr. Pants comes running down the hall with his midnight - drink of water, has to go pee, can't sleep, not tired, hoooooongry, bored, needs to watch a movie-episodes. 

Hubs starts 6:30a-6:30p tomorrow.  Thank God it's back to the land of the living for a month. 

Yeah, OK lady

So I was reading a blog post from a woman who is also a police wife.  While I think she makes some very good points almost every post, I was a little surprised by some of the things she said on this one in particular.

She was going on about how our men have the toughest jobs and how hard it is on them and we should just not be b*tches and be more understanding because "what if they don't come home". 

And I was practically standing in my chair yelling, "Yes, what IF he doesn't come home".  We live every day with that very assumption.  If he doesn't come home, I'm going to do exactly what I do now.  Everything.  By myself. (yes I am very much generalizing)

I think (and just being frank here) there are actually PO wives among us who forget that in many, many, many police marriages, the wife is every damn bit as strong as the husband. 

The wife is the one who manages an entire brood, defends her lifestyle and choices to friends and family who may be totally unsupportive, goes it alone day in and day out, cooks, cleans, learns to prepare for a home invasion, knows where the gun or the bat (or both) are located for handling those 'strange noises' in the middle of the night while he's out on duty...

It irritates me when some police wives act as though we aren't supposed to be human beings.  It is comparable to a citizen who "doesn't get it" saying - "tough shit - you knew what you were signing up for".  I just think it's unfair when people - anyone- acts as though police wives are supposed to go around swearing that life is wonderful every day.  Some days it sucks.  Period.  There is nothing that will make it better.

Sometimes it sucks for a month at a time, or for years at a time if you're going through drama like an investigation, a department shake-up, a lawsuit, etc. 

I love hearing opinions, and lots of them; but I do not like someone telling me I don't have the right to feel overwhelmed, sad, disappointed, frustrated or any other perfectly normal human emotion because it might serve as a distraction for my hubs' job. 

Things don't suck all the time, but when they do - they do, and it should be ok to say it without someone criticising.  Something good old Meadow said once is, "I don't go around worshipping my husband, knitting little badge-shaped slippers and baking cookies for him at 3 in the morning".  And God love her, because that is the one mindset I made myself borrow from her.

When my hubs teasingly asked, "Why didn't you call me when I didn't call you on my way home from work tonight?" (as I am half-snoring because it's 3am).. I replied, "Oh, I just figured you were dead." 

That's how we roll.  Gotta keep it real.

 

Police Wifin' It

The past three weeks (God it feels SO much longer than that) have been a major adjustment in our house.  Hubs began 12 hour shifts of 6:30p-6:30a.  I suppose on one hand it's nice because he works like 2 on 3 off and now actually gets every other weekend off, but holy crap.  I never realized how much those 4 extra hours a day meant to us.

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful as hell that he has this job, but I am struggling big time to juggle the life right now.  As you all know, meals missed is a regular thing, but now we don't get a single meal a day together.  He is gone before dinner and sleeps through breakfast and lunch.  I have made ridiculous use of the crockpot so that there is always something hot ready for him to eat.  But just watching him eat something across the kitchen, holding over the sink while we casually chat is ancient history now.  God I miss that.

The kids are having a hard time adjusting, too.  At least I'm not the only baby ha ha!  I open my eyes each day to Mr. Pants hovering over me asking in a really loud funny whisper, "Where's dad?".  I guess it is now instinctual for them to start the day knowing if daddy is home or not.  If he is, I am left in the dust (lol) and the pitter patter of little feet goes downstairs to jump in the pile of blankets on daddy's bed and wake him up.

I know that as we have surely all experienced, as soon as I get used to this schedule, his next 7 duty days will have flown by and we will be into 6:30a-6:30p! 

The baby had a horrible night last night.  He was up all night screaming like a banshee.  Poor baby, I think it's his top teeth coupled with an upper respiratory nastiness we've been passing around.  I was so tired I could barely see straight.  Hubs was so sweet and helpful.. he was off last night and at one point I told him I don't know how he does it.  I'd be asleep in the squad car by midnight.  He smiled and said, "Eh... I'm a professional, ok?!".  (mimicking the guy from Ferris Bueller's Day Off)... we chuckled and I felt my spirits rise.

And then the screaming started again!  It was rough and I felt defeated, but hubs stayed up with Mr. Baby and me all night helping out.  It was so nice not being alone.  I made sure to tell him I honestly wouldn't have survived the night without him being here.

Tonight while actually carrying on a nice conversation over the phone, dispatch busted in with a burglary in progress and rattled off the description of the dirtbag.  No "goodbye", just click.  C'est la vie. 

It's the life!

Be Enlightened

A wonderful video which expresses so much of what is "wrong" with public education. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U

Keep on keepin on

I believe last week was an attempt to see how many doctor visits I could make.  Quinn was not acting himself.  He is usually quiet, mischievous and funny.. but I suddenly found him waking a lot at night, throwing himself backwards in crying fits.. so we spent Tuesday evening at the doc.  He has an ear infection.  Poor baby.  The antibiotic is helping a lot and he's trying to get back to his little old self.

Mr. Pants really wasn't acting any differently than he normally does, but he just had that "look".  I'm sure any of you mothers know what I mean.  He just looked not right to me.  He started coughing a lot at night which is always a key that something is going on.  He has a mild asthma that only acts up whenever something respiratory is happening.  Thank God he doesn't have allergies.  Anyhow, took him to the doc on Thursday and turns out he has a massive sinus infection and needed some more albuterol for his nebulizer.  The doc had to show me the inside of his nose because I just couldn't believe it.  He had no drainage, but one look with the right tool and holy cow.  YUCK!  He is also on antibiotics now and is doing his breathing treatments twice a day. 

The Dude is hanging in there.  I hadn't posted this previously because, well, we had so much other crap going on...

He had been tested in Kindergarten for some academic markings - and through that we found that he learns at an accelerated rate.  He just "gets it".  Sometimes he can't tell you how or why (as in showing you his work on math problems), but he gets the right answer every time.

Throughout elementary school we struggled to help communicate this to his teachers.  He would whiz through his work, finish early and then have zero realization that other kids were still learning, working or taking their test.  This turned into teachers giving him extra work, busy work or simply getting onto him about being irritating.  It made it unpleasant at times for the poor kid.  He survived though.

Now we've come into middle school.  And he hates it.  He is bored to death.  Not in the I'm so smart and I know everything sense.  But in the I-hate-block-scheduling sense.  His classes meet every other day and when they do meet they are almost 2 hours in length. 

Here is where the new issue arose.  After realizing something wasn't right, we took him again for specialized testing with the same professionals.  Turns out he has a very atypical form of ADHD.  (I rolled my eyes and was totally ready to dismiss this at first).  ADHD-Predominantly Hyperactive/Impulsive type.

I remember sitting there shaking my head "no" as the clinicians were showing me their 12 page report of findings.  But then I stopped and actually listened to what they were saying.  And then it all made sense.

The Dude learns at such a fast pace that block scheduling is killing him.  The clinician told me that The Dude learns something in 20 minutes for example and then has to sit in class for another hour and a half.  It's like slow death for him.  Unfortunately his teachers don't allow him to move ahead to the next assignment, the next chapter or whatever.  They tell him to find something to do that will keep him busy.  Which then turns into him getting antsy, impatient and impulsive.  He starts doing things out of boredom without really thinking them through.  There is no realization of a consequence.

I told the clinician that the only familiarity I had with ADHD is that 1) it's way over diagnosed, 2) medication is pushed on those kids, 3) those kids can't control themselves and run around slapping everyone.

She reassured me that it is sometimes MISdiagnosed, that medication is in fact an option for SOME kids, but NOT mine.  She explained that the medication is mainly for kids who have the more typical form which involved the inability to focus or pay attention.  The inability to filter out distractions.  She also reassured me that not all ADHD kids run around slapping people.  Sorry, that's just my humor in dealing with this.

The challenge the last couple of months has been getting his school district on board with the accommodations he needs.  They are slight/minimal, but for some reason the school doesn't care.  It seems they aren't concerned because my son does score in the above average range on all of his standardized tests, with the exception of writing.  They don't seem to care because he, by all outward appearances, is a well-adjusted kid.  They also don't care because he maintains high average to above average grades.

Which makes me want to shake someone.  I probably sound like an overbearing crazy woman.  But I see his struggles.  He is my first baby.  I pushed him to do everything because I thought that's what I was supposed to do.  It's what is common in so much of society.  Crawl early, stand early, walk early, talk early, read early.. do more, do better, do it younger.

Now he is suffering the consequences of my actions.  He can read at the college level.  He can infer often times what the meaning is.  But he doesn't have nearly the understanding he might have if the focus had been on comprehending instead of rote memorization of letters, words and sounds.

I hope I can help fix this.  It's really challenging to undo so many years of this.  I was a public school kids and so was hubs.  In an upcoming post I will talk about my thoughts and feelings on education in this day and age.

I'm sure we will figure things out.  Will post more later.