Friday, January 28, 2011

Spare Eleven Minutes

I encourage you to scroll forward in this video to around 8 minutes and watch it until the end. This is something I will never forget.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Two Important Questions

The Dude got out of the shower tonight and while still wrapped in his towel appeared next to me and said:

"Mom, two important questions; Is it actually possible to cut off your butt and where exactly is your liver located?"

I looked at him quite sideways and said, "Kid, what the hell were you doing in that shower?"

"Never mind, I don't think I want to know."

Friday, January 14, 2011

Interesting Moments This Week

Yes, two posts in one day. Apparently I'm in rare form being pregnant and for pure entertainment (and repentance) purposes, I've decided to share with you things that have spilled out of my mouth this week.

The Dude hates blowing his nose. What the hell? Blowing your nose makes it feel much better than (what he calls) wiping it. Anyway, he wanted to do things his way and as I stood in horror watching him smear snot all over his face with one thin, itsy-bitsy piece of tissue, I said, "Jesus kid, I hope you don't wipe your ass like you wipe your nose. Sloppy and all over the place."

Hubs comes home really late at night (what else is new) and as I am FINALLY drifting off to sleep after wrangling all the pillows in the house and getting the blankets just right, he announces that he's hungry. First he flips on the tv to English League Soccer replays, turns the damn volume way up and then departs the room. When he returns, he sits down on his squeaky side of the bed and begins to chomp the hell out of an entire bag of microwave popcorn. This is after he turns every light in the house on to make it into the kitchen, where he proceeds to SLAM the G.D. microwave door no fewer than 3 times in the popping process. Apparently I say things to him which a.) I don't remember at all or b.) he is totally making up. Last night I said to him, "Hey why don't we put a handful of rocks in a glass and shake them up while we're at it. Oh and can we PLEASE turn on some tv show that has nothing but blaring lights and sirens and crank it up to full blast.... because ANY of these things is more enjoyable than listening to you chomp that G.D. popcorn for the next 20 minutes!!!!"

Mr. Pants is 4. He is adorable, but he is a stubborn Irish little horse's ass. He has become addicted to a new monster truck video game on the Wii. Our Wii is in our finished basement play area specifically because the child wants to do nothing else and this keeps it at somewhat of a distance. (He won't go down there without someone). So every day he wakes up and asks if he can "be Afterburner on Sander Hills when I jump over the billl--dings?" To which my reply is always "no." He has decided to follow my 'no' response up with, "but if I don't get to play it I'll be sad." I told him that he'd just have to get over it and that if he gets too sad about it, I'll just have to ship the monster truck game off to Jackson's house (the bad kid at school).

I am seriously having some Kate Gosselin moments. I mean I've even had to cover my mouth in disgust at some of these slips. Holy hell. Hormones are nothing to mess with.

It's Friday, which is redemption day (I hope). Planning on taking all of the boys, including hubs, out to do something fun. Please pray that I can behave.

Where Babies Come From

The Dude (10 years old) was telling me how excited he is to have a little brother coming this spring. We were driving to Walgreens and I was mumbling something like, "Yeah it's going to be really fun. Just think, now there will be a little brother to irritate YOUR little brother." That remark made him smile from ear to ear. Like I just delivered the best news he'd ever heard!

I was flipping through the tracks on the cd and spacing out thinking on all the things I had to do the next day... when he asked very directly, "Mom, where do babies come from?"

I froze. Well, shit. I wasn't exactly prepared for this. In my naive mind I was thinking he'd remain young, innocent and naive.. and live at home until he was 30 and had his PhD.

So, with anxiety and apprehension in my voice I asked him, "Well, what do you mean 'where' do they come from... specifically?"

He replied, "Like, I know sometimes they cut them out of your stomach. But if they don't cut them out, where do they come out of?".....

Crap, crap, crap. "Um......" (followed by perpetual silence)He swiftly interrupted: "Mom, it's ok. You can just tell me. Are you afraid to tell me, cuz I think I already know..... They come out of your butt, don't they?"

I couldn't decide whether to laugh hysterically, cry or what. I didn't want to embarrass him and it is a serious subject (a lot more serious when someone far more mature than me is addressing it)...

But after much contemplation, I said, "Well, pretty much. It's not technically a woman's butt where they come from. You know how boys have one part and girls have another- and the part I'm talking about is the part that separates the boys from the girls?"

I could see the wheels turning and then suddenly grinding to a halt in his mind and he said, "Ooohhhhhh.... I get it now. OH GOD THAT'S ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. HOW DOES A BABY EVEN FIT? I MEAN AREN'T BABIES THE SIZE OF A WATERMELON!!"

He didn't ask me to explain the art of creating a baby. I think he was in such a state of shock that he either forgot to ask how they're made or he just decided it wasn't something he wanted to hear about. Either way, thank you. Yay God.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


"It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front,
especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur.
You take the front line when there is danger.
Then people will appreciate your leadership."

The worst is finally over. And while we celebrate one hell of an amazing victory, it's most humbling for me to remember that my husband lead from behind. His difficult sacrifice was one that afforded thousands of officers in our state the right to fair treatment when under investigation. That's just hubs. Humble, unselfish, patient and amazing. It's not in what he says, it's in what he does. It's who he is that comes through loud and clear and makes a lasting impression.

I am so happy, so proud and so overhwhelmed that when so much has gone so wrong, something - the most important thing, has gone right.

The folks that run the show decided after media crucifixion, reduction in pay, and loss of job and tenure that the poor guy deserved "time served". That simple. It's done.

So now it's time for me to say a sincere and grateful thank you to all of those near, far, known and unknown who have stood by us, prayed for us, laughed and cried with us and encouraged us to keep on living and be happy. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. The kindness of others has carried us farther than we ever could have imagined.

Anyone who doubts "the blue family" has never been a part of it.