Friday, January 14, 2011

Where Babies Come From

The Dude (10 years old) was telling me how excited he is to have a little brother coming this spring. We were driving to Walgreens and I was mumbling something like, "Yeah it's going to be really fun. Just think, now there will be a little brother to irritate YOUR little brother." That remark made him smile from ear to ear. Like I just delivered the best news he'd ever heard!

I was flipping through the tracks on the cd and spacing out thinking on all the things I had to do the next day... when he asked very directly, "Mom, where do babies come from?"

I froze. Well, shit. I wasn't exactly prepared for this. In my naive mind I was thinking he'd remain young, innocent and naive.. and live at home until he was 30 and had his PhD.

So, with anxiety and apprehension in my voice I asked him, "Well, what do you mean 'where' do they come from... specifically?"

He replied, "Like, I know sometimes they cut them out of your stomach. But if they don't cut them out, where do they come out of?".....

Crap, crap, crap. "Um......" (followed by perpetual silence)He swiftly interrupted: "Mom, it's ok. You can just tell me. Are you afraid to tell me, cuz I think I already know..... They come out of your butt, don't they?"

I couldn't decide whether to laugh hysterically, cry or what. I didn't want to embarrass him and it is a serious subject (a lot more serious when someone far more mature than me is addressing it)...

But after much contemplation, I said, "Well, pretty much. It's not technically a woman's butt where they come from. You know how boys have one part and girls have another- and the part I'm talking about is the part that separates the boys from the girls?"

I could see the wheels turning and then suddenly grinding to a halt in his mind and he said, "Ooohhhhhh.... I get it now. OH GOD THAT'S ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. HOW DOES A BABY EVEN FIT? I MEAN AREN'T BABIES THE SIZE OF A WATERMELON!!"

He didn't ask me to explain the art of creating a baby. I think he was in such a state of shock that he either forgot to ask how they're made or he just decided it wasn't something he wanted to hear about. Either way, thank you. Yay God.

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