So I was reading a blog post from a woman who is also a police wife. While I think she makes some very good points almost every post, I was a little surprised by some of the things she said on this one in particular.
She was going on about how our men have the toughest jobs and how hard it is on them and we should just not be b*tches and be more understanding because "what if they don't come home".
And I was practically standing in my chair yelling, "Yes, what IF he doesn't come home". We live every day with that very assumption. If he doesn't come home, I'm going to do exactly what I do now. Everything. By myself. (yes I am very much generalizing)
I think (and just being frank here) there are actually PO wives among us who forget that in many, many, many police marriages, the wife is every damn bit as strong as the husband.
The wife is the one who manages an entire brood, defends her lifestyle and choices to friends and family who may be totally unsupportive, goes it alone day in and day out, cooks, cleans, learns to prepare for a home invasion, knows where the gun or the bat (or both) are located for handling those 'strange noises' in the middle of the night while he's out on duty...
It irritates me when some police wives act as though we aren't supposed to be human beings. It is comparable to a citizen who "doesn't get it" saying - "tough shit - you knew what you were signing up for". I just think it's unfair when people - anyone- acts as though police wives are supposed to go around swearing that life is wonderful every day. Some days it sucks. Period. There is nothing that will make it better.
Sometimes it sucks for a month at a time, or for years at a time if you're going through drama like an investigation, a department shake-up, a lawsuit, etc.
I love hearing opinions, and lots of them; but I do not like someone telling me I don't have the right to feel overwhelmed, sad, disappointed, frustrated or any other perfectly normal human emotion because it might serve as a distraction for my hubs' job.
Things don't suck all the time, but when they do - they do, and it should be ok to say it without someone criticising. Something good old Meadow said once is, "I don't go around worshipping my husband, knitting little badge-shaped slippers and baking cookies for him at 3 in the morning". And God love her, because that is the one mindset I made myself borrow from her.
When my hubs teasingly asked, "Why didn't you call me when I didn't call you on my way home from work tonight?" (as I am half-snoring because it's 3am).. I replied, "Oh, I just figured you were dead."
That's how we roll. Gotta keep it real.
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Testify! Those are probably the same women who say they enjoy every single moment of their children being toddlers. And that's the biggest case of denial I've ever heard!
ReplyDeleteI'm the one who holds it all together and picks up the pieces when it all falls apart. I'm the one who had to think lightening fast on her feet in order to save her daughter's birthday from completely sucking because daddy got called out. But he also knew I had it under control so he went about his job focused and not stressed about me being pissed off--because I wasn't.
We're partners in this crazy life. I refuse to refer to myself as the wife behind the badge. We live as equals, we parent as equals. Sometimes we get mad at each other--um, human--but every single time he walks out that door, I hug him, kiss him and tell him I love him. Because I'm not about to live with the guilt that the last words we ever said to each other were in anger.
Okay, so once again...I've hijacked your comment section. :) But all of that was to say that I agree with you! And I really do believe we were made just a little bit tougher than the rest. And if you can't vent to one of your own, then who else is going to listen or understand?
:) Dori you may hijack whenever you'd like girl! I really liked what you had to say!!
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