Today is one of those days. Everything was going just great when it suddenly felt like the bottom fell out. I'm not talking about my water breaking! :)
We've faced such uphill challenges with hubs's work/legal/b.s. that everytime we think we've decided how we feel, we get spun.
So far the good side of things is that his license is safe. No revocation, no permanent suspension, etc.
The crappy side is STILL trying to push through the civil suit. Yes, there is a civil suit dragging its feet.
Let me pause right about now and tell you that of all the horrific bullshit a police wife can be put through, this one takes the cake. A civil suit makes you scared for your entire future, for all possible things you could ever hope to be, do or have. It keeps you awake at night, it gnaws at your guts and it exhausts you. Mentally, emotionally, physically.
With that said, we are meeting with our team of excellent, top-notch, best in the country lawyers again next week. I love them. They have been like a second family to us. I trust them completely. I have nothing but certainty they are spending sleepless nights working to save our future.
But I admit, it's hard to not start feeling sorry for myself. For us, really. It's like watching someone with cancer. It's painful and exhausting, and there is absolutely NOTHING you can do but stand there and watch and wait. Some days are good, some days completely suck.
Hubs said to me the most encouraging words I've heard him say. He isn't much for words, unless they are sarcastic and aimed at making someone laugh, but he said, "Through all of this I know with absolute certainty this is the job I am meant to do. I know that my sacrifice is and will benefit other officers."
It caught me completely off guard. It almost sounded like something scripted. But I could tell he absolutely meant it. I think as a means of protecting himself until that point, he always joked about quitting and becoming a banker. I didn't want to push too hard because I could honestly understand why all of this would push him completely out of police work forever; so I can't tell you how relieved I was to hear those words from him.
Right now I am just reminding myself to roll with the punches. It was really hard to believe that all of this crap is part of a bigger plan these past years. But getting the notice that this case has reformed how our state deals with officers and licensing, really did show me there is a higher power at work.