Monday, November 15, 2010

Mildly Irritated

I really hate feeling like I have to qualify things I say. I didn't use to do such a thing, but in today's world.. I kind of feel like I must. So- this is merely a vent post, not intended to offend any one sole person or group of people in any way, shape or form. Now then....

I went out to dinner with my much younger sister last night. Her and her girlfriend. Who I am not a big fan of. My sister is in her very early twenties and currently attends one of the most liberal universities in the nation. Ok fine. I'm not a stuffed shirt conservative or anything, but I'm not the most liberal being either.

My sister and I have the same mother but different fathers. I am ten years her senior. I used to wipe both her butt and her nose (though not at the same time). She is one of those, what do you call it?... "KIDults" or in a more politically correct fashion, "Emerging Adult". You know, the ones that think they know all about everything because they've passed high school and are now in college? The ones who think because they manage to split rent with three other girls they are grown up, despite the fact that mom and dad still pay for the car, the car insurance, the cell phone and the health insurance? Oh, and the TUITION?

I love my sister, I love her dearly in fact. But I'm saddened. I don't see or hear much from her anymore because she is busy being a self-absorbed twenty-something know-it-all. That's not a crime by any means. We've all been there. The selfish part of me misses her though.

When she was in high school, she was the all-American kind of girl that just made people want to puke. Straight A student with a 4.0, Captain of the cheerleaders, funny, outgoing and unlike many high schoolers: driven. She received acceptance letters from schools like Purdue, Bellarmine, Murray State and NYU. She chose none of them. Ok fine. She ended up at a private university 8 miles from home.

And then she decided to come out as a lesbian. Totally love and support her and I really knew since she was about 12 that the day would come. Reassured her that I love her and accept her and that nothing about being a lesbian would make me love her any less.

That was a bunch of years ago and to be honest, I'm starting to realize maybe that statement is untrue. I mean, I LOVE her, but we've just totally lost that special bond we used to have.

Here is what I mean. The girl has completely enveloped herself in all things gay. What do I mean? I mean that every single thing she does from sun up to sun down involves forming some committee or marching and protesting about all the atrocities that gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgendered folks face.

It's like she doesn't want to be "labeled", yet she makes every single aspect of her entire life so much about gay everything that a straight person can't even hold a conversation with her anymore. She thinks all the struggles in life revolve around why women can't pee standing up and how the biggest crisis on earth is not having enough transgendered restrooms in America.

Yes, there are very real, very sad and very wrong challenges that gay folks are faced with every day. My post is NOT intended to downplay their struggles or the importance of finding some resolve.

MY struggle is with a beloved sister who has become someone I no longer know. Someone I don't feel comfortable around because she overanalyzes every single freaking word I say as being "unsupportive" or "not convincing enough" about my acceptance of her and her chosen lifestyle.

The other thing which seriously, honestly and without lying disturbs me is the fact that she chopped off all of her waist length gorgeous naturally curly hair and now looks like a guy. I think that is a perfectly normal peeve for someone who loves someone else. Her changing her appearance was more of a shock to me than changing her actual lifestyle.

Now she spends her life earning money by dressing up as a guy doing drag shows. Yeah, the kind with stuffed pants and facial hair drawn on with eyeliner and taped boobs.

I struggle with the fact that SHE took it upon herself without even consulting me to explain to my 10 year old what being gay is and that being gay is great, etc., etc. Now, while I have ZERO issue with the concept of acceptance, I DO have an issue with someone who isn't even a parent, stepping over the line with MY child who isn't even mature enough to understand romantic relationships yet being told about subject matter beyond his comprehension.

I felt like she ambushed him and that she went behind my back. She gave me no voice in the preparation, presentation or after-effects of her "chat".

We sat at the table last night in the middle of the restaurant while her girlfriend tongue-kissed her in front of my 10 and 4 year olds with no tact or respect. Public affection is one thing, but R-rated make-out sessions really shouldn't happen in front of young kids regardless of orientation.

Of course I said nothing because I am so afraid that any objection or challenge to ANYTHING she says or does will cause ME to be shunned, I just let it go.

I think it's time to just bow out for a while. I can't handle it.

Thanks to those who read this without thinking I am a horrible person. Just venting my personal frustration.


  1. Dude. As harsh as it may sound, you and your sister need to have a talk...with you talking and her listening! Yeah, I remember being 20 and throwing myself into Causes...and no one could have possibly understood my pain and passion! But inappropriate behavior around kiddos--your kiddos--is totally and completely unacceptable. And she needs to know that. And I have no idea on how to have that conversation where neither of you walk away hurt. I do know that it took me 5 years after the summer I lived with my big sister to sit down with her and apologize for being a complete and total ass that summer.

    Anyway...pointless comment but lots of support and hugs!

  2. Well, if I did think you were horrible it would be for just "letting it go". Seriously? I don't care if you're same sex or different sex, tongue-wrestling in public, especially in front of my kids, is unsat. If she tries to play the "gay card" I don't have anything intelligent for ya.

    Just go with Dori's advice. But don't beat yourself up for disliking idiotic behavior. That part is normal. But ya gotta do something... she's acting the fool.

    Good luck. :(