A Little Suspicious

Had a pretty nice weekend of enjoying The Dude's last two baseball games of the season. It was fun (minus the 109 degree heat) and Mr. Pants loved playing in the dirt.

The only downside: thirty minutes before end of shift, the Hubs texted saying, "I just got a homicide. Not sure when I'll be out of here."... Seriously people, could you not commit your violence on a weekday?? We have places to be.

Turns out some guys tried to carjack two other guys. When the carjacker made it into the car, HE became the victim. The victims of the carjacking shot and killed the carjacker. It was all figured out a lot faster than usual in those parts.

In all we were able to salvage some time together and it was quite enjoyable.

So... yeah. I am not certain, but could there be an addition to our brood?

I ate two chicken sandwiches smothered in provolone cheese and not an hour later I found myself wolfing down a White Castle cheeseburger and half a chocolate shake. Dun da dun dun...

I'm a little suspicious. We've been trying, so we'll see what happens next week if you know what I mean. Er, should I say we'll see what doesn't happen next week!

Happy Birthday Mr. Pants

Today Mr. Pants is officially "a 4 guy", as he calls it. Where in the HELL did time go?

It seems like yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital in his little blue outfit with the yellow duck on it.

I hate acknowledging the passage of time, but, without it I wouldn't get to see and hear him do all of the amazing things he does. It's fantastic to hear him ask, "Is it my daddy??" whenever the car pulls in at home. It's hilarious to watch him shake his behind while singing all the wrong words. It's a total joy to let HIM read a book to ME - no he can't read yet. That's what makes it so much fun.

We spent time together making cupcakes to celebrate his birthday. I let him help with the frosting, which mostly meant holding the butter knife so he could lick all the frosting off, and then he giggled with delight when I let him pour the sprinkles (all over the kitchen table, chairs and floor - oh well).

I asked him what kind of party he wanted and suggested something like Thomas the Train or what's that guy's name? Diego? Anyway, Mr. Pants looked at me with a straight face and said, "No. I wanna have an ugly party."

What.the.heck? Not sure what an ugly party is, but in my mind he is a genius so I'm not going to argue with him.

I asked him if Grandma and Pop and Grandma and PaPa were invited to come to his party and he said, "No, I'm just too shy."

I told him he would probably get some gifts if they came and then he said, "Ok fine. I like to tear the paper. You can't do it though, mommy."

I wish he could stay little. Sigh

Happy Ending

It was just PMS. Sorry guy readers. All is well now that I am not so hormonal.

Had a fabulous week with the family. We took the kids to the nature center earlier this week and took tons of photos and got to see three fawns hopping through the forest with their momma. The boys loved it.

Thankfully the forest is thick enough that we were shaded from the killer sun. It is AFRICA HOT here. We were up early (one of the rare occasions when I say that was a good thing) and we were able to get out and enjoy the day without rushing. Hubs was able to be there which made it even better.

Mr. Pants will be celebrating his 4th birthday on Tuesday. We are having a party on Sunday so Hubs can be there and I'm so excited my bro gets to come to. Sometimes the universe does cooperate. Last night Mr. Pants told me, "Momma - I love you. You're my girl...... (long pause) and I'm your boy." How sweet.

Hubs came home last night and told me he had something for me. He opened up this little scrap of paper ever so slightly as to taunt me. I kept asking him what it was. Turns out one of the local indoor ranges is offering a concealed carry class for Police wives only in August. They are giving a 50% discount and will certify you at the end of the day.

Perfect! I've been putting this off for a year and then out of left field comes the chance to take the class with all Police wives. I'm excited. I will let you know if I pass the class next month.. :)

Hubs spent plenty of time teasing me about how several years ago we went to the outdoor range and all I could hit with the Glock 27 were the rafters. Yikes. He said, "If we ever get robbed by someone really tall, you will blow them away."

I reminded him that a Glock 27 is a hand cannon for a 5'3" 110lb female. He told me he will work with me over the next few weeks to get me ready for the class.

Which also means I can now buy what I've been wanting to buy.. a Taurus 25 with pink grips.

Maybe it's just PMS

So. I'm not proud, but I won't lie. I had what I can only refer to as a complete meltdown last night. In front of my kids. Wow. I am ashamed.

I've been really lonely and overwhelmed juggling all of the pressure of motherhood and going it alone.

Nothing out of the ordinary I suppose, it just pushed me a little harder yesterday than it has in a while.

The kids were picking at each other and when one was quiet (doing something he shouldn't be), the little one yells from the other room, "Momma, come wipe me." The Dude was talking a mile a minute asking me questions like, "What is barometric pressure" and "How many degrees Ferenheit is 29 degrees celsius". You and I both know these are not questions you can just spout an answer to while picking up the laundry pile with your toes when simultaneously leaning over to wipe the behind of your littlest one!

The house is a disaster, I fed the kids leftovers (gasp, for some reason I decided last night this makes me a bad mom), I forgot to put the sheets in the dryer so (again, horrible mom) I had to put the kids to bed with the wrong bedsheets.... I know, you're asking WHY IS THIS A CRISIS?

I don't know. I guess sometimes I just feel like a single parent. I don't know how my dad ever did it. By 9pm I was ready to squeeze a lemon in their eyes!

I just need to figure out some sort of routine for my sanity (and for the kids). I have all of these great intentions about dinner or activities, but when I go to do them I find that my tank is empty and my butt is dragging three miles behind me.

It's HARD managing everything without help, ALL THE TIME.

The Dude heard me crying (which I never do) and he sat down with me and talked about how he didn't realize how much I need help doing things around the house. He said, "I'm 10 years old mom. I should be helping you more. I promise to do better on chores and helping with my little brother."

I was really proud of him and completely shocked at his maturity. I gave him big hugs and apologized for crying in front of him and getting upset.

Maybe it's just PMS. Being a female sucks sometimes.

I miss the days when hubs would come through the door and crawl into bed next to me and wrap me up first thing. I miss the days when I could go meet him for dinner even if he was on duty or when he could stop home to grab a plate of dinner I actually made from scratch.

After the kids go to bed, I find myself on the couch, exhausted and emotional, missing hubs - wanting him to get home before I fall asleep so I can actually see his face.

Sixth Sense

Five years ago today I had a premonition that my husband, my father-in-law and I were at my brother-in-law's funeral. He's a Navy SEAL who has done multiple tours in Afghanistan and Iraq so when this vision came to me, I told my husband about it and told him I was concerned.

I told him I saw men in uniforms with white gloves and a motorcycle escort for the hearse. I told him I knew it was his brother. I just knew it. I didn't know the how or why, but I knew it was him.

Three days later a police officer in our area was murdered while on duty. My husband, my father-in-law and I all attended the funeral. There were men in uniforms with white gloves and a motorcycle escort. My husband assured me this must have been what I was tuned into.

I insisted it wasn't. I continued to express my concern about his brother.

We've just learned that the brother-in-law from my premonition has two types of terminal cancer and a very short time left to live (maybe 6 months).

Coincidence?