I Am Thankful

I'm thankful for friends and family, ghosts from the past, unexpected run-ins, things that go my way and sometimes things that don't; the ups & downs, the good, the bad and the ugly and all the things I continue to learn each day. I suppose after 31 years I'm also thankful my brother and I never actually managed to kill each other despite our countless attempts. I'm thankful that I have memories of my little sister asking me, "Why are you taking ALL of your socks?" when I moved out on my own. I'm thankful that my kids forgive me when I am not the best and that my husband does the dishes (although we still argue about how the dishwasher should be organized--if he would just do what I say...).

Poop in the butt is a crisis

Mr. Pants is in that lovely season of life called potty training. He is three. We have been trying the underwear training pants. This is not fun. This is quite disgusting. This child will happily pee into the toilet. He will actually pee anywhere we ask him to.

On the other hand, this child refuses to poop anywhere except in his drawers. Seriously, let me take a minute to share his brilliant creativity with you. While the "poo", as it were, is always contained in the underpants - he has many hiding places where he goes to complete the mission. Here is the list:

Under the coffee table
Behind the pantry door
In the corner with a laundry basket over his head
Behind the far end of the couch
Under the kitchen table with all the chairs pulled in

My personal favorite is number 3 on the list. Really, who does this? Never in all my life, and even when I was 3, did I ever think to do my business with a laundry basket over my head. I have no clue how this idea got into his little brain.

Now, I am a very patient mom. But there is something about this poop challenge that is making me insane. Why, you ask? Because he will look right at me through his grunting and tell me he is not pooping. Then as soon as he finishes he will look up and tell me "We need to change my unda-wear". What?? NOW it's a crisis??

I've tried all the old trusty things like bribes, threats, positive reinforcement (I said bribes already, same thing), books, videos, etc. I don't push too hard and I don't do that cutting him off at the pass thing. Apparently I just don't understand the psychology of pooping.

I know, I know. We'll get there.

The Holidays... Eh

So this post is not meant to stick in anyone's craw. Just this little thing I go through around this time each year. Let me tell you a little something about me. I am not creative. I am not artistic. I am really not even thoughtful. I'd like to be all of these things, but the truth is.. I'm just not.

I don't see things in July and think they would make a wonderful Christmas gift for so and so. I don't fill my home with the joyful scent of all things baking. I decorate in the most basic way and it's not because I don't enjoy decorating. I just don't know how. I think I was born without that part of the brain.

On the rare occasion I do decide to decorate or what have you, the cat knocks the ornaments off the tree (it's my husband's cat.. ) or my kids destroy something or make a totally different use for these things. Like replacing baby Jesus with R2D2 in the nativity scene. (ok I don't actually own a nativity scene, but this IS something they would do if I did)

Does this make me a grinch?

I am not good at gift wrapping and I hate crowds of people. It gets all hot and nasty in the stores and you can hear people hacking and coughing and sneezing.. and hoards of people on cell phones talking too loud like they don't understand volume control. They step all in my personal space and overshare way more information than I ever wanted to know about a complete stranger. Fights over parking spaces, people wanting to return stuff for sale prices... need I go on?

If you really want to know me, my doormat says it all.

"Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here"

Somebody say a little prayer for me that I can become a better "holiday" person. And yes, I did just put that in quotes.

December 1st

Hi all. Where have I been, you ask? Gearing up for surgery.. FINALLY. After much unneeded freaking out over a surgery I knew was inevitable, they actually set the date. So.. on December 1st I will undergo a Sistrunk Procedure. It's quite interesting. I will have to go under general anesthesia (completely out) for about an hour long surgery. I will then wake up, breathe on my own and get kicked out of the hospital the same day.

I have never been put under for anything in my life and however stupid it sounds I am totally freaked about it. I completely trust the doc. I will be at one of the best hospitals in the nation. There are teams of anesthesiologists who will be in the surgery center that day.. so what is my problem?

I think it's the after effects I am worried about. I don't take medicine, I have never taken pain pills.. well ok once I took a Tylenol 3 for a burn on my hand. I would never be a good junkie. Sheesh.

Anyway, not that I really am up for hearing horror stories, but please - anybody out there who has been under general anesthesia, would you please tell me the brutal truth about what to expect when coming to? I can't imagine what it's going to be like. I've heard it's kind of like having a hangover but seriously can someone educate me? And yes I asked ten billion questions during pre-op testing and they all give the standard "it'll be fine" without elaborating.

I know you guys & gals will give it to me straight. Thanks everybody.