It wasn't candy

Mr. Pants has been in rare form lately. I suppose it's all just par for the course, being 3 and all.. but oh.my.god. Handful is an understatement.

I was in the grocery store and he was acting really crazy and grabbing random stuff off the shelf and tossing it wildly into the cart and then zipping up and down the aisle nearly knocking over an elderly lady. So I corralled him in the cart seat. That turned out to the be the worst possible idea. Why? I shall tell you.

I did not realize the risk of having my purse sitting in the seat right next to him. I did this so I could have access to my coupons. Yeah, great idea. As I looked to my right at the shelf and glanced between it and the coupon wad in my hand, I failed to realize that Mr. Sir (name when in trouble) was curiously going through my purse.

After a few minutes I started to notice a couple of random women looking at me strangely. Hm, what's that all about? Oh, it was then I looked down and saw my kid with one end of an object in between his little teeth, pulling and pulling to try and get it open.

He was saying, "I want this candy" (repeat 57 times, crescendo louder and louder) and as I looked more closely, I realized what this "candy" was..... it was an unopened TAMPON.

I let out a gasp, pulled relentlessly on one end in an attempt to get it away from him whilst he continued to pull on the other end.

Then in a flash, the wrapper gave way and the tampon went flying through the air like some football headed for a Heisman candidate. It landed dead smack in the middle of the aisle where God and everyone could plainly see what it was (not that the women hadn't figured it out already)...

I froze. I wanted to die of embarrassment right there. Mr. Pants turned around in the cart and looked at it a little sideways and conceded that that, in fact, was NOT candy.