Friday, January 15, 2010

List of goofy things the hubs does

  1. Carries his gun to the range in a vintage Star Wars metal lunchbox.
  2. Pulls the velcro straps off his vest so loud I wake up startled, wondering what planet I'm on.
  3. Picks up boxes of .40 ammo and leaves them under the driver's seat of my car without telling me.
  4. Leaves a random bullet or two in the cupholder or center console of my car.
  5. Takes a marked up report from his female Lt. that needs corrections, whites out her notes and correction marks and hands it back to her and says, "I thought it was perfect so I just erased your suggestions. Here you go." After the Lt. stops having heart attack, he pulls out the clean, corrected version and hands it to her and chuckles.
  6. Draws sharks in the river on his accident reports.
  7. Appeases his female Sgt. and Lt. with chocolate when he's done something that aggravates them (which is usually telling inappropriate jokes).
  8. Leaves hundreds of little strips of paper with random names and dobs.. all in a pile next to his uniform. (these are notes from accidents and calls he's gone to. I've learned over the years to stop throwing them away.. LOL)
  9. Etched B.M.F. into his maglite.
  10. Covered the butt end of his asp with white-out then neatly drew the Irish tri-color with markers.
  11. Changes the station's computer screensaver to say, "I Like Doughnuts", then changes the password so nobody can erase it. It's the first thing people see when they walk in.
  12. Put spinner hubcabs on his Lt.'s car while she was on vacation.

True story. One of Hubs' female co-workers bought an old house. She was telling him about how they had to gut the place and do all this work to it. She mentioned that they couldn't live in it yet because they didn't have running water due to some plumbing issues but they were going to have a plumber come in this week and fix it.

A day or two passed and the Hubs went into the station. All the female officers were huddled together and started talking really quietly when he walked in. He casually glanced across the station to this particular officer and asked, "How's your plumbing?".

There was a dead silence. Hubs, shrugged it off and got his paperwork and went back to the car.

A half hour later, the female Sgt. pulled up next to him and said, "You can't be so insensitive. She's having a really hard time."

Completely confused the Hubs asked, "What are you talking about?"

Sgt. replied, "We were all discussing her 'female issues' and how she's been going to the doctor to find out what's wrong and then you walk in and ask 'How's your plumbing'?"


  1. Oh Lord, now I am feeling the itch to make a list for my quirky hubby too. Love the list! Thanks for sharing.

  2. Oh my goodness, that is hilarious!!! I do #4, LOVE #6, and I've done something similar to # 11! BTW, I'm a female Sgt.:-)

    I just found your blog from MRSOFFICER2U.

  3. This is hilarious. I am laughing about #11. He sounds like quite the prankster!

  4. great list!
    the plumbing line cracked me up!