March Midnight Madness

And so it begins... how quickly a month of days flew by.  Midnight month is upon us, with tonight being night number 1.  I dread this day.  We took a nice little vacation over the weekend just to enjoy being a family for three days before the hubs headed to work tonight.  It was great being together.

I have tried very hard this past month to put measures in place which will hopefully help me get and/or keep myself together THIS month while I go it alone.  I have had serious issues keeping my sh*t together.  I thought back on things and realized it mostly started to unravel when Quinn was born in May. 

I used to be one of those weirdo women who had everything perfectly mapped out, with planners, schedules, highlighted calendars, tabbed binders with more information than anyone would ever need to retain.. and a steel trap memory to go with all of that.  I could tell you what you said during lunch last Tuesday, as well as what you were wearing and what you ate. 

I know that is quite overboard, and nobody needs that amount of organization or memory, but- it is very missed now that it is gone.  I have found myself struggling to get through ordinary every day stuff without forgetting, overlooking or getting completely distracted.  My stress level skyrockets when I get interrupted, which is ALL THE TIME now that I have three boys pulling me three different directions! 

We have moved into a house with tons more space, which means I was able to stake an office area for myself.  This is helping tremendously as well.

As for managing the house, I have pulled myself together and gotten much more organized as far as getting things where they need to be.  I have all of my dorky binders with color-coding and special pocket dividers put back together and organized.  I have my meals planned out for the month and most already prepared and frozen, ready to throw in the oven or the crockpot.

It feels soo much better living like this.  The challenge will be sticking with it and not getting distracted or interrupted and letting it fall apart again!!

I think the pressure to perform (as lame as that sounds) is definitely a stress factor for me.  I would find all this guilt in not doing enough every day.  If I made dinner, I'd feel guilty for not paying enough attention to the kids.  If I caught up the laundry, I felt like it took too much time away from other things I could've been doing.  I would drive myself insane thinking this way.  Then the worst part is, I'd wait until all the kids were in bed and THEN try to do EVERYTHING.  I'd be awake until 3am, baby would be up at 6, The Dude would be up at 7 and hubs would be home at 7:30... then Mr. Pants would be up and ready for breakfast.  I was a zombie and am still catching up on sleep from this madness.

I am trying not to tackle too much each day, just setting the expectation that I can get through two or three things.  Hoping this helps overall, but especially during midnights this month.  At least the days are getting longer and the sun is shining more.  Can't complain about that.

As for my friends, my best friend is coming in from across the state on the 24th!  Her hubs is a K9 officer and will be riding with hubs on their first night here.  This should be interesting :).  I have her visit to look forward to and prepare for these next few weeks!

We WILL survive the 7-7!!!

Hope y'all are hanging in. 

Jesus Lady (A different lady this time)

Tonight.. sigh... was one of those nights.  Hubs was working his 12 hour day shift.  All was well.  His family all came over to my house to watch the super bowl.  It seemed like a nice idea.  I love them. 

I quickly learned that what seemed like it was going to be great turned out to be rough for me.  Why?  Hm, let's see.  A blaring tv for four hours straight.  Everyone trying to yell over the loud tv for four hours straight. 

I was trying to cook in the kitchen, watch the baby (who you cannot take your eyes off of) out in the great room, Mr. Pants interrupted me for applesauce six times, the phone ringing, oven timers going off.  It was downward spiraling.  BUT, I foolishly thought, "Hm, hubs will be leaving work in fifteen minutes so it will be ok.".

And then she died.  I didn't know her.  Some poor 41 yr old female who was insulin dependent diabetic.  She was in bed.  Her whole family walked in from getting fried chicken and found she had passed on.

Upon hearing this tragic news, I looked to the heavens and asked, "Couldn't you have waited 15 more minutes?".

Yes, I know I am going to hell.  I don't need anyone reminding me.
He made it home an hour late.  He ate, chatted with his family until they left - and is currently passed out cold on the floor in front of the fireplace.  I should go kick him.  Hmmph.

New Toy

Ok so I had to share... new toy!  Sig Sauer P238 blue label .380!   LOVE IT.  Cannot say enough good things about it!  Perfect size, perfect everything.  I'm in Loooooove!  Taking it out tomorrow for some fun :) 

Babies eating bananas

I have found there is nothing funnier than my baby eating bananas.  Like a real banana, chopped into a million tiny little pieces.  He thoroughly enjoyed the taste and texture, but quickly discovered it was far more interesting to squeeze and smash them between his fingers.. and THEN try to put them in his mouth.  This = fun for me to watch.

In other news, had a fabulous and much needed weekend of the hubs being off work!  We went to dinner with the bro on Friday night and spent the rest of the weekend chilling.  The in-laws came over tonight for dinner and they actually liked the dinner I made.  This made me happy! 

The kids played outside with the neighbor girls, who Mr. Pants lovingly refers to as his "girlfriends".... I was all busy fixing the food for our dinner and happened to glance out and see all of the kids on the hill with a giant hole and a shovel.  Is it bad that I cracked the door and yelled, "Where is Mr. Pants?".  Once The Dude pointed to him and I was assured Mr. Pants was NOT in the giant hole in the ground, I shut the door and went back to cooking.  I really didn't think to ask (until hours later) what the hell they were doing with a shovel and a giant hole.  Turns out they were making an animal trap.  Hm. Ok.  I like that better than video games so it's cool.

So... The kids are in bed, the hubs is here.. I'm going to try to catch a short movie with him before he konks out in front of the fireplace AND before Mr. Pants comes running down the hall with his midnight - drink of water, has to go pee, can't sleep, not tired, hoooooongry, bored, needs to watch a movie-episodes. 

Hubs starts 6:30a-6:30p tomorrow.  Thank God it's back to the land of the living for a month. 

Yeah, OK lady

So I was reading a blog post from a woman who is also a police wife.  While I think she makes some very good points almost every post, I was a little surprised by some of the things she said on this one in particular.

She was going on about how our men have the toughest jobs and how hard it is on them and we should just not be b*tches and be more understanding because "what if they don't come home". 

And I was practically standing in my chair yelling, "Yes, what IF he doesn't come home".  We live every day with that very assumption.  If he doesn't come home, I'm going to do exactly what I do now.  Everything.  By myself. (yes I am very much generalizing)

I think (and just being frank here) there are actually PO wives among us who forget that in many, many, many police marriages, the wife is every damn bit as strong as the husband. 

The wife is the one who manages an entire brood, defends her lifestyle and choices to friends and family who may be totally unsupportive, goes it alone day in and day out, cooks, cleans, learns to prepare for a home invasion, knows where the gun or the bat (or both) are located for handling those 'strange noises' in the middle of the night while he's out on duty...

It irritates me when some police wives act as though we aren't supposed to be human beings.  It is comparable to a citizen who "doesn't get it" saying - "tough shit - you knew what you were signing up for".  I just think it's unfair when people - anyone- acts as though police wives are supposed to go around swearing that life is wonderful every day.  Some days it sucks.  Period.  There is nothing that will make it better.

Sometimes it sucks for a month at a time, or for years at a time if you're going through drama like an investigation, a department shake-up, a lawsuit, etc. 

I love hearing opinions, and lots of them; but I do not like someone telling me I don't have the right to feel overwhelmed, sad, disappointed, frustrated or any other perfectly normal human emotion because it might serve as a distraction for my hubs' job. 

Things don't suck all the time, but when they do - they do, and it should be ok to say it without someone criticising.  Something good old Meadow said once is, "I don't go around worshipping my husband, knitting little badge-shaped slippers and baking cookies for him at 3 in the morning".  And God love her, because that is the one mindset I made myself borrow from her.

When my hubs teasingly asked, "Why didn't you call me when I didn't call you on my way home from work tonight?" (as I am half-snoring because it's 3am).. I replied, "Oh, I just figured you were dead." 

That's how we roll.  Gotta keep it real.

 

Police Wifin' It

The past three weeks (God it feels SO much longer than that) have been a major adjustment in our house.  Hubs began 12 hour shifts of 6:30p-6:30a.  I suppose on one hand it's nice because he works like 2 on 3 off and now actually gets every other weekend off, but holy crap.  I never realized how much those 4 extra hours a day meant to us.

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful as hell that he has this job, but I am struggling big time to juggle the life right now.  As you all know, meals missed is a regular thing, but now we don't get a single meal a day together.  He is gone before dinner and sleeps through breakfast and lunch.  I have made ridiculous use of the crockpot so that there is always something hot ready for him to eat.  But just watching him eat something across the kitchen, holding over the sink while we casually chat is ancient history now.  God I miss that.

The kids are having a hard time adjusting, too.  At least I'm not the only baby ha ha!  I open my eyes each day to Mr. Pants hovering over me asking in a really loud funny whisper, "Where's dad?".  I guess it is now instinctual for them to start the day knowing if daddy is home or not.  If he is, I am left in the dust (lol) and the pitter patter of little feet goes downstairs to jump in the pile of blankets on daddy's bed and wake him up.

I know that as we have surely all experienced, as soon as I get used to this schedule, his next 7 duty days will have flown by and we will be into 6:30a-6:30p! 

The baby had a horrible night last night.  He was up all night screaming like a banshee.  Poor baby, I think it's his top teeth coupled with an upper respiratory nastiness we've been passing around.  I was so tired I could barely see straight.  Hubs was so sweet and helpful.. he was off last night and at one point I told him I don't know how he does it.  I'd be asleep in the squad car by midnight.  He smiled and said, "Eh... I'm a professional, ok?!".  (mimicking the guy from Ferris Bueller's Day Off)... we chuckled and I felt my spirits rise.

And then the screaming started again!  It was rough and I felt defeated, but hubs stayed up with Mr. Baby and me all night helping out.  It was so nice not being alone.  I made sure to tell him I honestly wouldn't have survived the night without him being here.

Tonight while actually carrying on a nice conversation over the phone, dispatch busted in with a burglary in progress and rattled off the description of the dirtbag.  No "goodbye", just click.  C'est la vie. 

It's the life!

Be Enlightened

A wonderful video which expresses so much of what is "wrong" with public education. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U