2011 In Review

As the sun sets on 2011, I write my final post.  It's 10:30pm and hubs is at work as I listen to the celebratory gunshots already ringing in the surrounding counties.  He is riding in a Tahoe tonight which somehow makes me feel better.  I hate when he works New Year's Eve.  He works in the ghi-zet-ttto.  They have shootings ALL the time, but this holiday is like anarchy.  Praying all goes well and he makes it home safe.

The kids are tucked in their beds (miracles do happen) and I've spent some of the quiet time reflecting on what has been a very wild ride for the hubs, for me and for our family.

Here is what it is.  We settled our civil suit as mentioned in my previous post.  I shalln't disclose the amount, but let's say the check had a LOT of zeroes in it.  Before the decimal point.  And now we get to start all over saving for our three kids' college.  I'm happy I don't have to spend one single day of the new year worrying, living in fear and especially not living in anger anymore.  Sure I'm a little bitter, but having a ten thousand pound weight lifted off our shoulders has made me a whole new woman.  Hubs and I are finally able to feel some real happiness again.  It's a little easier to get out of bed and face a new day and our good times together are no longer overshadowed.

I'm hoping everyone else has a wonderful New Year's Eve and a happy 2012.  From our family to yours!!

Still Hanging In

Where has time gone?  Wow.. well, here is a bit of good news.  The civil suit; FINALLY OVER.  It was set for trial today, but we settled out of court.  I will surely create a long, detailed post to let you all know the glorious details.  I cannot believe it is finally, FINALLY, over.

Gearing up for Christmas.  Mr. Chunky Munkerson just turned 6 months old and The Dude and Mr. Pants are keeping me running in circles. 

Hope everyone is well.  Photos and stories to come soon.

Our Association

I am loving my fellow police wives and our police wives association.  We had an awesome dinner out the other night.  It was sooo awesome to be around women who understand.. who don't look at you crooked or make the "hair face" (you know, that face every human being makes when cleaning out the hairbrush) when I talk about finding bullets in the cupholder of my car.. or uniforms with a million bits of notebook paper folded up with names like KiKi and a birthdate of 2/20/86.  Ya know, that could either be a victim of a crime or a stripper.. most of us p.o. wives know it's the former, not the latter.

It is so nice to be in the same room at least once a month with women who can say things like, "Grab my camera out of my purse for me - but watch out so my .380 doesn't fall out!".  Breath.Of.Fresh.Air.  Ahh.

This time of year is going to get very busy.  Lots of community outreach type of activities coming up.  It's going to be a lot of work, but a lot of fun.

My girls were there for me this week, the one I like to call HELL WEEK.. the last week of midnights.  The one that takes FOREVER and will not end. 

Hubs and I had a little spat but it was one that we both needed to have.  He came home at 7am and went straight to x-boxing (yes I made that verb up).  When he emerged at 10am I laid into him about how it would be nice if he actually came home and spent time with me BEFORE our house turns into wild kingdom.  He told me that he comes home wired after midnight shift and can't just lay down and relax.  "I can't just turn it off..."  He said it all indignant which pissed me off.  So I told him, "Oh-I'm sorry, as if I don't lie awake half the night worrying about you only for you to come home and go into your cave?!  It's not like I can just turn it off EITHER.  You may know what it's like to be a cop, but you have no idea what it's like to be a cop's wife."  It actually gave him pause.  He apologized, I apologized.. all was right in the world again. 

Midnights is the worst thing on earth for me.  I feel like time actually goes backwards.  His shifts change every 4 weeks and it is hardest for our family during midnights.

Thank God for my gals, the ones who understand, the ones who don't require explanation, the ones who go through the exact same things!!!

Our anniversary is Saturday.  My gift from him?  THE END OF MIDNIGHT SHIFT ON FRIDAY!!

Texts Between Us

I received a huge bunch of crap from hubs last night about the fact that I used coupons for certain things on my quick shopping trip. He asked if I am going to become an extreme couponer and so on...

He sent me this text just now:
"I love u mama"

To which I replied, "Well..sorry, I don't have a coupon for that, but I guess since love is free I love you too."

His response: "I have a coupon. It says 'good for your wife's pants half off'."

My reply: "You should see the face I just made.. and now I'm laughing."

Him: "I bet it's beautiful."

And that, folks, is why we are still married. :)

Thinking

Waiting for hubs to get home. I know I vent a lot on this blog. I used to post a lot of really great things and happy stuff. As much as I sound miserable, I am happy in here somewhere :)

So, with all the boys in bed I sat on the couch and thought.. just thought about hubs and us and times gone by. Here are some of the things I was thinking about. Enjoy.

I love that hubs will lie next to me pretending he's asleep and as soon as I close my eyes, I can quickly open them to find him looking at me with a little grin. Just admiring me (is there really something left to admire?)

When he calls me on his way home from work, he asks me if I'm "watching our show". Our show happens to be MY show.. a SOAP OPERA. I find it totally hilarious that as humiliating as it is for him to admit it, he is totally hooked and refuses to go more than a couple of days without pulling it up on the dvr. Cute. I know it's just because he thinks the one chic is pretty smokin'.

I love that I can kick him right in that side part of your shin that hurts like hell, right on the pressure point, and he will instantly know that means "get up and bring me the crying baby" in the middle of the night. I don't even have to say a word. He stumbles in to get him and brings him to me.

I think it's really hot that he wrestles me when I try to play hard to get when I'm tired and crabby.

I like that he forgives what I can only refer to as my "Kate Gosselin moments". Ok I'm not nearly as vile as that woman, even on my worst day. But I do admit to being pretty bossy now and again. There is a specific way things have to run and that way is 99% my way. Not because I'm a control freak per se, but because he isn't HERE most of the time so I have to keep order. He understands that and loves me anyway.

Our humor is what I think keeps us going. We are able to poke fun and joke with each other. We may not say "I love you" as much as we should, but he says to me, "Thanks for not divorcing me" and I say in return "Not yet anyway". Then we both chuckle and he smacks me on the rear.

Sometimes I want to throw something at him, or change the locks. But, at the end of the day most days I love him even more.

Here is something read at our wedding ceremony: The Art of a Good Marriage by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

The little things are the big things
It is never being too old to hold hands
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day
It is never going to sleep angry

It is never taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives
It is standing together facing the world
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family

It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel.

It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

A Little Less Bitchy

Just for you ML :). Thanks for the advice... so here is a post that puts a smile on my face.

First, my bro just got hired on at my father in law's department!! It's a $12,000 a year pay increase, better benefits and, well, a better department! I'm so proud of him and happy for him. As I like to put it, from the hood to the burbs will be a nice change!! Woo hoo.

Secondly, I survived middle school orientation with three kids in tow. I think I left my sanity at the door, but we made it out alive. I'm so not emotionally ready for my son to start middle school. I actually WANT my son to be innocent and naive and all of those things.. but times are different. When I got a glimpse of the female P.E. uniforms I nearly fell out. I didn't know a 2 inch inseam was appropriate for 11 year old girls. Wow. Ok.

Which makes me feel compelled to share with you a real live conversation from my shopping trip for school supplies. God's honest truth.... from the two ladies walking behind us:

"MMM MM MM.. she is so blessed. 3 boys!"
"Girl you know that's right.. Lord knows this world is full of waayyyy too many skeezas! She is bringin' us the men we neeeeed!"

The Dude turned to me and asked, "Mom, what's a skeezer?".

Ah the joys of motherhood. :)

Rocky

Ugh.. I am so displeased. Yep, sorry to start this post off so negative. Mr. Baby is now 11 weeks old.. Jesus where does time go? I spent 4 out of these 11 weeks with hubs on mids, which SUCKED. Two kids who cry at bedtime because daddy is leaving for work and then all night with a newborn, then ALL day with two older kids while hubs tries to sleep.

But what I'm displeased with is myself. I have had no grace whatsoever these past few weeks. Sleep deprivation, stress (more on that later) and loneliness. It all got the best of me and spilled over last night.

Hubs is on noons now, which makes life, erm, somewhat easier. However, I am an idiot and I bought him an x-box for father's day in May (PRE-baby arrival). Yeah, well I've been going through this thing where whenever I want to actually spend time with hubs home and conscious, he is too tired to enjoy or be enjoyable, either one. But, BUT, if I fall asleep on the couch mid-sentence, he doesn't prod me to get up and come to bed. Nope. He leaves me on the couch and goes downstairs and plays the damn x-box... until 4a.m..... until he's so tired that he stumbled back upstairs, wakes up the baby and then tells me he's too tired to help me. Then the morning hours while he's actually home and 'available' to do something with me and our kids who miss him, he's zonked and snoozing.

So, last night I pretended to be asleep on the couch after a bit of him being home from work. Sure enough, he crept downstairs and played stupid x-box until 4am. When he crept back upstairs to the couch, where he was no doubt going to pretend he'd been the whole night, I let him fall asleep there. And a good 15 minutes into his slumber I grabbed him by the ankles and pulled him off the couch and yelled, "Wake your ass up... you woke me up, now the baby is up and if we can't sleep, neither can you!". I was a real b****. I hadn't meant to go that far, but something sorta.. erm, snapped?

He got up and helped me get the baby back to sleep.. then I tore him up one side and down the other for a good hour. I half yelled, half cried.. mostly sounded crazy, but all made sense. Yeah, it was bad.

Why, might you ask, was I such a raging loony? Well, several reasons. Wayyyy back in the day my prince charming had a minor indiscretion. And we happened to run into that minor indiscretion out in public recently... where she proceeded to look directly at him and say to him, "Hi, it's so nice to see you", RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Thank God and sonny Jesus my brother was there to physically restrain me. Hubs had what I would consider to be his first shining moment when it came to handling her, and told her not to ever speak to him again. So that helped in that moment.. a little anyway. I suppose I've been stewing a bit and the fact that I'm still trying to shed 15 extra pounds of baby weight doesn't help my confidence. Plus, I took his recent actions with the x-box to be a sign of disinterest in me, our family and our life in general. I told him that he doesn't realize that we all literally sit around waiting for him to be available. And when he becomes available, we'd really like to be penciled in.

It also doesn't help that the civil suit is set for a September trial, but things are in the works to settle without a trial. Pros- no more media, plus gag order, plus SCREW them. Cons- they want money and while we can throw a stupid amount of money their way, it's money that takes away from our future and our kids' futures. That has both of us very peeved and while we are definitely a united front, we are both just beaten down.

Every GOOD thing in life has been overshadowed by all of this legal b.s. It's sooooo exhausting and I'm honestly just ready to get it over with.

Lastly, while I'm telling you this "It's A Wonderful Life" tale, we were tipped off that the local media is going to do a spread on hubs and how he's such a horrible guy that they can't believe he's working as a police officer again. They contacted his Chief and asked him to confirm hubs is an officer at his department. The good news is, the Chief used to be a supervisor on hubs platoon at his old department before he came here. They have a long working history and the Chief prepared a kick ass statement backing up hubs.

I'm glum and self-loathing. Yes, I do sound like a miserable person because lately I AM a miserable person. And after feeling so good about unloading on hubs and his selfishness, I realized, darn. The poor guy is just trying to do something for himself and I just ripped him a new one.

I keep praying for strength and faith and perseverance. I don't want to understand, I just want to get through all of this. I know that's incomplete thinking, but I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In A Nutshell

It's been a long six weeks. Yep, six weeks already. Quinn is doing awesome, almost sleeping through the night (hoping I didn't just jinx as I type this with very tired eyes). He is getting so big already.. 10 pounds!

The Dude and Mr. Pants have taken to him very well. They love helping with holding the baby and bringing me diapers. The only thing I'm trying to work on is keeping them entertained while juggling the household duties as well as take care of a newborn.

In other news, on June 2nd, my step-dad was hospiced. We'd known for about 18 months he was considered terminal, but he worked every day until May 25th. Then he became weak and took a very sudden nose dive. That was right around the time we were told his chemo stopped working. Hospice came in and took great care of putting up with us and keeping us all sane. He succumbed on June 22 with all of us by his side. He was 56 years old.

It was really hard to watch the dying process again. I went through it with my dad when I was a teenager and then again last year with my brother in law. It sucks. It really sucks. It sucks that you know what is coming, you see all the indications, and there is nothing you can do. What's worse is that you aren't supposed to do anything. We all have an instinct to rescue when someone is hurting, but in all three cases I was expected to stand back and let it happen. There is an overwhelming sense of guilt and agony that comes with that.

But it's what he wanted. To be freed from the pain of prostate and bone cancer. And I've never known anyone to go out exactly how they wanted in a cancer situation, but he DID. He was at home, no hospitals and surrounded by family.

I'm glad he got to meet Quinn and that we all got to hang out with him his final few weeks before he got really bad.

Since then, hubs is back on midnites, the idiot neighbors are still popping off fireworks and the big boys are not asleep yet. It's been a long day and a long bunch of weeks. Just thought I'd drop a line. Take care.

He's Here

I started contracting on Friday night while at the in-laws. Hubs and I put on our walking shoes and got moving. Before we knew it, we were at the hospital and I was 3cm dilated. They sent me to walk around the floor some more. From midnight until around 6am I stayed active and kept trying to keep things from stalling. It was then that I found out my doctor had "signed off for the weekend" as the nurse put it.

As you can imagine, I was NOT thrilled at the idea of having a doc I'd never even met delivering my baby. But, I suppose I had no choice. So I labored until around 3:45pm Saturday. Then I was at 6cm. The phantom doc directed the nurse to give me pitocin to "speed things up". In it went, up it cranked and at 5pm I was 8cm.

Here is where I will say if you've never had pitocin, you've never been tortured. It is like slow death, every forceful contraction squeezing the life out of you. It was at this time the phantom doc showed his face finally.. this James Lipton looking fellow came in and sat at the end of my bed. I'd even go so far as to say he was a little creepy. He looked at me with a slight grin and asked if I felt like pushing.

Um, hello. There I was, on my hands and knees, butt hanging out for all to see and who the hell is this guy?? Am I SUPPOSED to wanna push? So, I decided to bear down just a little and at that point I realized I was just there and my body was in full command. I turned around, fell backwards on the bed (pretty sure I died for at least 10 seconds), an anesthesiologist walked in to offer me an epidural (are you effing kidding me, hello I'm at TEN CENTIMETERS) and three pushes later, the baby was born. I was in such a state of shock I kept looking for the baby. Turns out he was on my tummy the whole time. Talk about the biggest adrenaline rush of my life.

Zero pain meds made this one of the most interesting experiences of my life. I think if I could have foregone the pitocin it would have been nothing short of perfect. For me, I wouldn't trade it though. My baby arrived perfectly alert, perfectly content and beautiful. Welcoming my sweet little one was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Baby News #2

It's been a week since my last check up and I am now 2cm dilated and still about 50% effaced. Doc said, "This baby has come down a TOOONNNN" and that all I need is the barometric pressure to change and that he will see me in Labor & Delivery!

He said that "This will be a very fun and exciting week for you guys!". Told me to schedule for Monday but that he'd see me in L&D most likely before that.

I'm getting more excited, but know with this being #3 things are unpredictable and you just have to see what happens.

I think it would be really awesome to have him on the 19th. That was my dad's birthday!!!!!!! Anywho, be on the lookout for updates and photos soon!!

Better Than Nothing

I'm 1.5 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced. Doc says he'd like to get another 10 days out of me but followed that up with, "We'll see."

We are set for tornadoes on Thursday evening. Both my boys were born during two of the worst tornado outbreaks in our state's history.. so, if I were a bettin' girl, I'd put my money on this Thursday!!

It's so hard to believe it's almost over, although there are days when I feel like I've had the gestation of an elephant. It's been awesome feeling life and love in my tum and all around me these past 9 months.

So glad we didn't let anything hold us back from expanding our family. This baby is very, very special. I feel very fortunate and very loved.

Mother's Day blahs

Hubs had short change from last night to this morning... I'm hugely pregnant and am painfully lonely today. My brother and sister don't have kids and are both working.. my mom is doing her own thing today and here I sit with two kids who are at each other all day now and I can't keep up.

I keep thinking these stupid emotions are a sign that I'll be in labor any time now, but it keeps eeking along and it's driving me insane.

Glad the hubs is now on noons, but hate feeling so completely overwhelmed and alone. Hasn't been this way for a looongg time.

Hope all you mommas out there have a fabulous Mother's Day!

The Most Awesome Thing Ever

So, hubs is going on mids Easter Sunday night. We decided today that we would go just the two of us and have our final 3D/4D ultrasound of the baby. We've been dying to see what he looks like and with all the new technology we just couldn't help ourselves. I'm 34 weeks and the timing was right. They did all the measurements and fun stuff like looking at arms & legs and re-confirming he's a boy, etc. But then the most awesome thing ever happened. As the tech was starting to show us his amazing little face, hubs leaned down and talked to him sweetly through my belly.... this is what happened:

He made the most adorable smile at the sound of hubs voice!!! Such an amazing moment. I'm in love all over again!!!!!

Thank You Jesus and God for BOYS

I am surrounded by friends who are mothers to little girls. And although kids will be kids, it got me thinking about the many (many, many, MANY) reasons I am so thankful to be having my third BOY...

Firstly, I do not understand little girl politics. Like, you can't invite so and so to the birthday party because even though she may be your own daughter's friend, she is also friends with the "enemy". What?.. no, really, what?

Then there's Justin Bieber. I don't even know where to begin. I just learned who the dude was like two weeks ago. And I hear there is this, um, "Bieber Fever"??? Little boys don't listen to this stuff, and if they do, I blame YOU - mom and dad. Sorry but.. BLEH (shuddering). Wonderful, hilarious example here: http://2setsoftwins-helene.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-confess_18.html

Squeals and whining and what are those things called?? Oh yeah, emotions. Good LORD. I really love that if I tell my boys "no", they aren't afraid to bellow a wisecrack or throw out a smart remark in bold tone. I can handle arguing, smart-mouthing, even disrespect. I cannot, however, handle whining and crying. It's like the time I told Mr. Pants I was not going to buy him a monster truck and he said to me, "But I'm your best friend.. and I am NOT an asshole either, mommy."

Fashion: my boys could care less if they are dressed in someone else's clothes, let alone clothes that match. My friend's daughter cried for an hour because her SOCKS weren't the exact same shade of pink as one tiny little frilly thing on her t-shirt. I wanted to paralyze her vocal chords. My boys only think it's time for a bath when they can actually smell themselves and start searching their clothing for the source of the mysterious death/garbage/dirty feet odor. My kids will wear socks that don't match, a shirt that they aren't sure where it came from and on occasion, things that don't even fit. But they won't whine and cry over such fashion faux pa as the wrong color shade.

Being scared of creepy-crawly things on the ground. I watched a little girl at my son's preschool have an absolute panic attack over two microscopic ANTS on the sidewalk outside. She was literally sobbing and whining some unintelligible garble as though a knife-wielding attacker had just run up to her. Good Christ almighty. Mr. Pants thinks a baby crib is for housing pet chickens. Bugs? Oh he thinks those are for trapping with his hands and, on occasion, smashing. Depends on his mood. But I have NEVER, ever heard him go into hysterics over something with more than two legs.

And then there is the obvious. If I had a daughter, and if she survived to adolescence, ONE of us probably wouldn't make it much further than that. I can't imagine dealing with the "you just don't understand me" hormones or the "he really DOES love me" episodes.. or the PMS...

People say that children are a gift from God. I say give me the boys and you can keep the girls.

Time Is Cyclical, Not Linear

When I met hubs, I loved listening to him talk about philosophy, history, police work and all sorts of stuff. One of the things he opened my eyes to is something his Irish ancestors believed: time is cyclical, not linear. You don't just go from point A to B, etc., but can come back to many points in time, including where you started.

I am more than pleased to say that he is officially getting off of administrative duty and going back to the street. It has been three long years full of fear, doubt, anger and suffering - part of which forced him off the street temporarily and put him behind a desk. I am so happy for him and happy for me, too. After everything that has happened, I never thought I would say I'm glad he is going back - but I am. I had gotten so used to the chaos, the politics, the unfriendly schedule.. when it changed, WE changed.

That life is all we ever knew. And as much as I would find reason to complain, I had no BIGGER reason to complain than seeing the guy I love lose his identity and (almost) his passion.

So, as a cheers to us - here is my adorable hubs, fifteen years ago when he first started, in what he calls his "death photo"... charming, isn't it? I think he's a stud.

Totally Wiped Out

Well, the lunch was a HUGE success yesterday. I was at the hall with all the other PO wives and we had everything set up and beautifully decorated. I spent Saturday baking all of the desserts. Six gooey butter cakes, four brownies with frosting, and a DOZEN other cakes with different frostings.

It was quite hilarious that the Marshals actually fought over who got to take one whole gooey butter cake with them! Talk about a compliment!! :)

There was one thing that took me by complete and total surprise and made me very sad, besides the obvious. When the family came in, so did my friend from the department. (She dated my cousin for many many years and we became close during that time.) She looked distraught and after the events calmed down a bit, she came over and gave me a huge hug. She proceeded to tell me that she was with the Marshals serving the warrant that day. I had forgotten that after she made Detective, she was assigned to the Violent Offenders Unit. She is the officer who actually put out the aid call and helped carry him out of the house. I was so sad for her. I just hugged her and told her that she was one of the strongest women I know and that I was going to keep her in my thoughts and prayers and reminded her to take care of herself and her two beautiful kids. She told me she had cried so much she couldn't cry anymore but that the visits with the Psychologist will start on Tuesday and she is on leave for a bit so she knows she will make it. What a reminder of how difficult a job and all of the things that can go wrong in an instant.

Hubs and my bro came down when their shifts ended and ate and hung out... one of the highlights of the day was after the Marshals were "feeling good" (ahem).. they all decided that the pipers would switch instruments!! The pipers took the drums and the drummers took the pipes.. it was HI-LAR-IOUS!!! Got good video of that.

They also played three great little sets (the right way, ha ha) and it was just amazing.

I think the most amazing part of my day was when Stacia Hylton, Director of the US Marshals came into the kitchen and with tears in her eyes told us how thankful she was for all we had done. She said, "You know, these Marshals don't get to live near their families.. so when you ladies get together and do things like this, it reminds them they really DO have a family, no matter where they're at.. thank you all from the bottom of my heart. We were completely overwhelmed to see all that you were able to do with only a couple of days notice. Your time, effort and care mean more than I can ever express."

She was just an amazing woman. I don't think the day could have ended any better than that.

I call it a huge success!

Humbled

I was humbled this morning when I was asked to help host the funeral lunch for the family of U.S. Marshal John Perry this Sunday.

When the Marshal's service called, we were anticipating about 100 folks coming in from Washington and the rest of the country, but were moved to find that they will be rounding up 350+ leos and bringing them in for us to feed and entertain.

I am honored to be serving Marshal Perry's family and all of the folks in law enforcement. Here's hoping my service is up to par.

Please say a prayer for his wife and three children.

http://www.odmp.org/officer/20773-deputy-marshal-john-perry

What's New?

I've been on hiatus for a bit. Just a lot going on with us. License issue over, civil suit heading toward high gear... getting ready for this baby... I'm running myself in circles.

I only have 11 weeks left until Mr. Baby arrives. Holy crap, where did time go? I have all the "stuff" I need, just have done absolutely nothing in the nursery. Like move out the office furniture, paint the walls, reassemble the crib, haul in the dresser and rocking chair... but I did buy the paint. Doesn't that count for something? And it's no-voc so I can actually participate in the painting!

My basement storage room looks like a diaper warehouse. Decided to stockpile like 3 industrial size boxes per month since month 1. So glad I did. Made it easier to spend the money in advance. All of the baby clothes are washed and hung neatly in the closet and I picked up the last few things at Babies R Us. Baby bathtub, new stroller, bibs and burp cloths. I honestly can't think of anything else I need since I still had everything from previous baby.

Trying to keep my exercise up, although I am whimping out and have admittedly eaten like crap. SOOOO mad at myself. Damn girl scout cookies. Now that I've devoured most of them, I actually have returned to a more agreeable diet for a pregnant chic. Lots of fresh fruits and veggies, oatmeal, grilled chicken and occasionally a bite or two of red meat for the iron. No more pasta (didn't eat a lot of that anyway due to hubs), bread or fast-food.

Yesterday I felt like a cow that had been tipped. I love being pregnant, just hate having to go through this stressful legal crap at the same time.

The plaintiff's attorney was really grasping at straw's hoping we had a clause in our homeowners policy that covered civil suits.. uh, wrong! We were able to confirm with our agent that our policy strictly covers incidents related solely to our property. This type of civil suit would be covered under an umbrella policy, which we do not have. Yay us.

From what our team said, that really stuck it in and broke it off for the greedy, malicious piece of crap suing hubs. So much so that they anticipate the case being withdrawn. "With the cash cow gone, the attorney no longer has a real interest and will not recoup his costs in this federal case....".

I'm just tired of being tired.. and stressed.. and nickel and dimed to death. We WILL win, damn it.

Happy Valentine's Day to me

Hello wifeys out there. How many of you are celebrating this joyous day without the hubs? It's ok, we're all pretty much used to it by now, right?!

I am lucky enough (or unlucky enough, depending) that I can catch lunch with the hubs today. Woo hoo.. and the kids are at school (bonus!). He is working noons.

To start my day off right, seeing I'm pregnant and all, I've jumped right in with a gluten-free chocolate cupcake with strawberry icing and a very large cup of decaf coffee. This baby is going to hate me shortly, but for now I am happy to be indulging in this sinfulness.

I have to say that I have never been huge on Valentine's day, but it is a day I stop to remind myself that even through all the b.s. and tough times, I do love my sweetie. He is a great husband, an amazing father and my best friend!

Hope you and yours enjoy each other today, however you can! Love notes on the refrigerator, breakfast, lunch, dinner or midnight snack. Even over leftovers.

Spare Eleven Minutes

I encourage you to scroll forward in this video to around 8 minutes and watch it until the end. This is something I will never forget.


http://www.justnews.com/video/26601377/index.html

Two Important Questions

The Dude got out of the shower tonight and while still wrapped in his towel appeared next to me and said:

"Mom, two important questions; Is it actually possible to cut off your butt and where exactly is your liver located?"

I looked at him quite sideways and said, "Kid, what the hell were you doing in that shower?"

"Never mind, I don't think I want to know."

Interesting Moments This Week

Yes, two posts in one day. Apparently I'm in rare form being pregnant and for pure entertainment (and repentance) purposes, I've decided to share with you things that have spilled out of my mouth this week.

The Dude hates blowing his nose. What the hell? Blowing your nose makes it feel much better than (what he calls) wiping it. Anyway, he wanted to do things his way and as I stood in horror watching him smear snot all over his face with one thin, itsy-bitsy piece of tissue, I said, "Jesus kid, I hope you don't wipe your ass like you wipe your nose. Sloppy and all over the place."

Hubs comes home really late at night (what else is new) and as I am FINALLY drifting off to sleep after wrangling all the pillows in the house and getting the blankets just right, he announces that he's hungry. First he flips on the tv to English League Soccer replays, turns the damn volume way up and then departs the room. When he returns, he sits down on his squeaky side of the bed and begins to chomp the hell out of an entire bag of microwave popcorn. This is after he turns every light in the house on to make it into the kitchen, where he proceeds to SLAM the G.D. microwave door no fewer than 3 times in the popping process. Apparently I say things to him which a.) I don't remember at all or b.) he is totally making up. Last night I said to him, "Hey why don't we put a handful of rocks in a glass and shake them up while we're at it. Oh and can we PLEASE turn on some tv show that has nothing but blaring lights and sirens and crank it up to full blast.... because ANY of these things is more enjoyable than listening to you chomp that G.D. popcorn for the next 20 minutes!!!!"

Mr. Pants is 4. He is adorable, but he is a stubborn Irish little horse's ass. He has become addicted to a new monster truck video game on the Wii. Our Wii is in our finished basement play area specifically because the child wants to do nothing else and this keeps it at somewhat of a distance. (He won't go down there without someone). So every day he wakes up and asks if he can "be Afterburner on Sander Hills when I jump over the billl--dings?" To which my reply is always "no." He has decided to follow my 'no' response up with, "but if I don't get to play it I'll be sad." I told him that he'd just have to get over it and that if he gets too sad about it, I'll just have to ship the monster truck game off to Jackson's house (the bad kid at school).

I am seriously having some Kate Gosselin moments. I mean I've even had to cover my mouth in disgust at some of these slips. Holy hell. Hormones are nothing to mess with.

It's Friday, which is redemption day (I hope). Planning on taking all of the boys, including hubs, out to do something fun. Please pray that I can behave.

Where Babies Come From

The Dude (10 years old) was telling me how excited he is to have a little brother coming this spring. We were driving to Walgreens and I was mumbling something like, "Yeah it's going to be really fun. Just think, now there will be a little brother to irritate YOUR little brother." That remark made him smile from ear to ear. Like I just delivered the best news he'd ever heard!

I was flipping through the tracks on the cd and spacing out thinking on all the things I had to do the next day... when he asked very directly, "Mom, where do babies come from?"

I froze. Well, shit. I wasn't exactly prepared for this. In my naive mind I was thinking he'd remain young, innocent and naive.. and live at home until he was 30 and had his PhD.

So, with anxiety and apprehension in my voice I asked him, "Well, what do you mean 'where' do they come from... specifically?"

He replied, "Like, I know sometimes they cut them out of your stomach. But if they don't cut them out, where do they come out of?".....

Crap, crap, crap. "Um......" (followed by perpetual silence)He swiftly interrupted: "Mom, it's ok. You can just tell me. Are you afraid to tell me, cuz I think I already know..... They come out of your butt, don't they?"

I couldn't decide whether to laugh hysterically, cry or what. I didn't want to embarrass him and it is a serious subject (a lot more serious when someone far more mature than me is addressing it)...

But after much contemplation, I said, "Well, pretty much. It's not technically a woman's butt where they come from. You know how boys have one part and girls have another- and the part I'm talking about is the part that separates the boys from the girls?"

I could see the wheels turning and then suddenly grinding to a halt in his mind and he said, "Ooohhhhhh.... I get it now. OH GOD THAT'S ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. HOW DOES A BABY EVEN FIT? I MEAN AREN'T BABIES THE SIZE OF A WATERMELON!!"

He didn't ask me to explain the art of creating a baby. I think he was in such a state of shock that he either forgot to ask how they're made or he just decided it wasn't something he wanted to hear about. Either way, thank you. Yay God.

Victory

"It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front,

especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur.

You take the front line when there is danger.

Then people will appreciate your leadership."

--N.M.

The worst is finally over. And while we celebrate one hell of an amazing victory, it's most humbling for me to remember that my husband lead from behind. His difficult sacrifice was one that afforded thousands of officers in our state the right to fair treatment when under investigation. That's just hubs. Humble, unselfish, patient and amazing. It's not in what he says, it's in what he does. It's who he is that comes through loud and clear and makes a lasting impression.

I am so happy, so proud and so overhwhelmed that when so much has gone so wrong, something - the most important thing, has gone right.

The folks that run the show decided after media crucifixion, reduction in pay, and loss of job and tenure that the poor guy deserved "time served". That simple. It's done.

So now it's time for me to say a sincere and grateful thank you to all of those near, far, known and unknown who have stood by us, prayed for us, laughed and cried with us and encouraged us to keep on living and be happy. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. The kindness of others has carried us farther than we ever could have imagined.

Anyone who doubts "the blue family" has never been a part of it.